The Tale of Ronshanks
by eha-themaster-ehen
Summary: Ron and Crookshanks have a bit of an accident and Ron ends up the proud papa of none other than Ronshanks! What will happen to this child called Ronshanks?


"God! I think that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" Said Harry, looking down at his new "godson".

"Well I think he's beautiful!" Ron replied looking down at Ronshanks.

Ronshanks giggled at Ron and Harry because he knew they were talking about him. It really was hideous. Ronshanks had red fur/hair, the body and face of a boy, but with paws and a tail. It reminded Harry of the time Hermione accidentally turned herself into a cat with the polyjuice potion, but Ronshanks was fatter and less annoying.

"Well what are we going to do with him!" Cried Harry, "We can't keep a cat thing in our room!"

"But we have to! He's my son!" Ron fought back. "But we can't let Hermione know. What do you think she'd think if she found out about me and Crook!"

Crookshanks nuzzled closer.

"Wait a second..." Harry gazed out the window. "How is this even possible! Crookshanks is a cat! And you're-"

"I don't know!" Ron shouted.

"Bloody hell! You're turning into a woman!" Harry moaned.

"Well this sucks." Ron mumbled as Ronshanks began to pee on the floor.

Harry and Ron both jumped all of the sudden. They could hear footsteps heading up to their dormitory.

"It's Hermione! Quick hide him!" Harry yelped.

Ron quickly threw Ronshanks under the bed just as Hermione came through the door.

"Hi...oh um...why is there urine all over the floor?" Hermione said, startled.

"Oh....erm....Ron..." Harry stuttered.

"Why does it smell like...cat in here?" Hermione asked, sitting down on Ron's bed.

"I think that's just the pee." Harry said. But at that the three students watched a brand spanking new puddle of pee emerge from under Ron's bed.

"What is under there?!" Hermione asked.

"Oh that's just my...my..." Harry muttered.

"My...MOM!" Ron covered.

"Oh shut up Ron!" Hermione snapped impatiently, but right as she lifted up the bed skirt, a small ball of fur bolted out from the darkness, scratching and clawing Hermione's face with no intent on stopping.

"Should we stop him?" Harry asked, gazing down upon the hissing Ronshanks.

"Nah..." Ron replied.

After a good two minutes Ronshanks finally got off of Hermione, walked over to Harry, and rubbed himself against Harry's leg.

"This is my son." Ron told Hermione as he picked up the boy/kitten.

"How the hell is he your son!" Hermione cried, finally picking herself off the floor.

"Well your cat and I had some hot sex." Ron explained, fumbling with his son who wanted another go at Hermione.

Harry cringed. "Well I mean he started to rape me, but I sorta got into it." Ron said.

"OH! Well in that case!" Hermione screeched, holding Crookshanks in her arms. "You can KISS your lover goodbye!" And with that she threw Crookshanks out the window, but being a cat, Crookshanks landed on all fours, peed a bit, and scaled the walls back into the room.

Hermione growled and then finally left the room with a loud slam of the door.

"Well she took it better than we could've expected!" Harry smiled, trying to brighten the mood."

"Agreed...but come on! We'll be back soon. Daddy and Uncle Harry are going to get breakfast, Ronshanks." Ron told his son.

Though it was a Sunday morning, the great hall was packed. The ceiling was a bright blue with white, wispy clouds and light burst through every inch of the windows. At the very end of the Gryffindor table they found Hermione brooding.

"What's wrong Hermione?" Ron pleaded.

"You damn well know what's wron-Oh my god." Hermione started, but didn't finish.

Ronshanks, who had bathed in his own urine, had now sprouted great big wings. All the students looked up, gasped, and pointed as the large kitten/boy zoomed over the hall grabbed Ron by his collar, and headed out towards the ground.

Harry and Hermione quickly followed them outside, but before Ronshanks could get any farther he and Ron crashed into Hagrid.

"What thy' hell is goin' on yeh!" Hagrid shouted.

But before Ron could answer Ronshanks began to "relieve himself" all over Harry.

Ron and Hermione quickly explained the whole event to Hagrid, but soon enough most of Hogwarts had come outside to watch Harry writhe in pain on the ground.

"Get! There is nothin' to see yeh!" Hagrid bellowed.

As Hagrid, Ron, and Hermione pulled Harry into Hagrid's hut Harry became "blessed" with wings.

Harry pulled relentlessly at them, but to no avail. They would not budge.

All of a sudden Ronshanks began to mew extremely loud; it almost sounded like the meow mix song.

"What is he doing!" Hermione asked.

"He's talking!" In catmanish!" Hagrid said.

"You know how to speak catmanish?" Harry asked.

After five long minutes of high pitched mewing Harry had enough. "That's it! I'm out."

But unfortunately Harry did not have good control of his new set of wings and he crashed into the wall and ricocheted back into the hut.

"What's he saying?" Ron whispered.

"He's saying he wants to go find the other catmanish people." Hagrid explained.

"Wha-? He can't leave me!" Ron cried.

Hagrid let Ron into the back of his hut and (raped him...no just kidding) patted him on the back. "Look Ron. Remember Norbert? I loved him so much, but I knew it was better for him to be with his own kind. I gave him up because I cared for him!"

"I know." Ron gasped. "I thi-think we should let him go." Ron announced.

The three walked out of the hut. "I'll never forget you little guy." Ron sniffed.

Ronshanks meowed, jumped off the ground, and flew off into the sunset. But as he did there was a bright, blinding light and Harry found himself in his room, screaming. Had it all really been a dream?

Hermione and Ron were standing over him hysterically laughing. "What were you dreaming about!" Ron laughed.

"You have no idea." Harry answered.

**THE END**


End file.
